The Importance of Heart-to-Heart Conversations: A Personal Narrative

Ariana King, Communications Intern

Edited by Lucy Marshall, Silvia Martinez & Katrina Morrison

Graphic by Ariana King, Communications Intern

Flash back to mid-January. I’ve just secured my internship here at WMF, and I’m excited to tell everyone. Yet, my dad advises me not to use the word “abortion.” Instead, I say “women’s health,” despite the fact that not all pregnant people are women.

I grew up in the most conservative district in Wisconsin. The only people I knew who were abortion access advocates didn’t announce it publically. We never talked about it at family gatherings because the conversation probably wouldn’t have ended civilly.

I’ve never had an intellectual conversation about abortion with someone on the opposite side of the spectrum. I grew up being told it wasn’t possible, but it was. I had the privilege of doing so yesterday. It can be done.

The woman I spoke to is a mother-figure to me. She’s the mother of my childhood best friend and was a friend to my mom. She’s strongly supported me and my family since my mom’s passing two-and-a-half years ago. She’s also a devout Catholic and completely pro-life.

I was still determined to have the conversation anyways. I’d been thinking of how to do it ever since my WMF orientation where we talked about how to conduct heart-to-heart conversations with people we love. She’s such a pivotal figure in my life that I wanted to be honest about this aspect of my work. I also wanted to let her know that I did not expect her to support or donate to a cause she didn’t believe in.

While the conversation was difficult at times, the two of us were able to discover many shared values. For one thing, we both honor and have a profound respect for life. Our interpretations about how to best honor life are different, yet we both seek to help and support pregnant people. Like me, my second mom does her best to practice non-judgement. Even though her stance on the issue is clear-cut, she told me it isn’t her place to judge anyone who has had an abortion—instead, it’s about love and acceptance. For both of us, non-judgement is a crucial part of humanization. We both agree that it is wrong to demonize people for their choices or beliefs.

Most importantly, she and I place tremendous value on supporting the people we care about and respecting who they are. We want to be there for others, even if we don’t understand or agree with their value systems and decisions. My second mom supports me because she trusts my judgement, respects how I came to my beliefs about abortion, and wants me to be true to who I am. I can say the same for her.

For me, this heart-to-heart conversation is the definition of building power around abortion—something that lies in the heart of our organization. Discussions like these are empowering because they show you the common values people have about abortion—even if they are polar opposites on the spectrum. It gets the conversation about abortion started and helps make such a controversial issue much more human. Talking about abortion devillifies people, and I’m not just referring to the stigma surrounding those who get an abortion. For me, talking to my second mom was a crucial reminder that every person’s beliefs and values are complex and nuanced.

In our current political climate, everything is made out to be black-and-white because people seek to divide, not unite. This is why conversations like these are so critical. They get us to listen and realize that we all have much more in common than we think—whether abortion advocates like us can change a loved one’s opinions or not.

This understanding and willingness to find common ground is the definition of building power because we get one step closer to destigmatizing the issue and helping people access the care they need. While it may seem small, these conversations are incredibly radical work because they open up anti-abortion folks’ minds to reasons why a conclusion opposite theirs can be reached. It also presents us with an opportunity to explain our beliefs about abortion care and why it is a crucial piece of healthcare. Through these discussions, we can show loved ones who don’t support abortion why abortion care is so important to upholding many of our common values like taking care of those we love, acceptance, and non-judgement.

So, now that that’s all said and done, I encourage all of you to go out there and have heart-to-heart conversations with the people you care about. The National Network of Abortion Funds has a lot of great resources on this and can guide you. But to sum it up, go in with an open mind and an open heart. Listen and focus on the ways in which you are similar, not the ways in which you are different. Be courageous enough to start the conversation because it not only empowers you but everyone else advocating for abortion care.